girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
