i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
someone owes me an orgasm
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
