How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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