just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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