only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
