Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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