Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
