i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
