i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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