I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
