24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
