I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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