he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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