Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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