The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
