Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
