is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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