Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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