I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
