i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
