i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
