you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
