I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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