this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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