i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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