I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
