i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
