Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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