I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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