Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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