the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
