ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
