I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
