So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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