Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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