I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
