Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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