the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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