Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
