I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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