I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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