Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
