Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
