I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your cock deserves a montage
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
