On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
