I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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