I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
