I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
