just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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