did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
