Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
