is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
