why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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