Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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