just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
