There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
