after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
