Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
