im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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