best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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