I CAN MOONWALK!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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