Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
