Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
