I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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